Hospitality Begins at Home

It’s kind of a buzzkill when you go outta your way to try to do nice things for people and they repeatedly reject you. That’s what’s been happening to me lately, yet for some reason, I’ve been dealing with it much more graciously than I normally would. Hospitality and genuine friendship are things that I’ve always championed on the surface, yet had trouble practicing if they truly inconvenienced me. Throughout college I had a couple friends for whom I’d drop practically anything, but as this continued I started bearing completely unwarranted grudges and moving further and further away from unconditional love for others and hospitality regardless of circumstances. Perhaps this is a quality that comes with age and maturity. Perhaps it comes from traveling and learning that relationships—REAL relationships—are key to diplomacy, which is key to peace. Perhaps these thoughts have been enhanced by the several missionaries with whom I've had the privilege to connect, and who are genuine people: friends, laborers, and motivators. In any case, today I’m developing empathy and I’m thankful for the opportunity to do so…and boy, have there been MANY not-so-pleasant opportunities to do so since I’ve been back in the States!

“The great thing is to direct the malice to his immediate neighbours whom he meets every day and to thrust his benevolence out to the remote circumference, to people he does not know. The malice thus becomes wholly real and the benevolence largely imaginary.” The cool thing about C.S. Lewis’ The Screwtape Letters is that it’s written from the devil’s perspective. Thus, the reverse of that quotation is actually the point Lewis is making, and a stellar word it is. I read the book for the first time last week: that I only read it for the first time at the age of 23 means I obviously haven’t upheld my end of growing up in an evangelical Christian setting. This quotation thoroughly struck me to the core, particularly because of my obsession with social networking as a means to perpetuate social justice and global awareness. I often spend more time and effort reading and pining over those suffering far away than I do working to develop relationships with my own family, and those around me. “Charity begins at home,” the maxim goes. And it’s true. This editorial from the New York Times kind of touches on that point, among other things.


There’s nothing like a good old-fashioned biscotti and some Stanley Cup playoffs to soften the heart and complete a sunny day on Clearwater Beach! My grandfather died a few days after I returned from Korea, so my mom, oldest brother and I flew down to participate in the funeral. Jack and I stayed a few days after Mom, who had to return for school. While there, it was surprisingly almost unbearable at times. Having three generations of women in the house (Grandmother and her sister, Mom and her sister, and me) with very different personalities and accompanied by various relatives and family members, was definitely a trying mix. I love each of them, but it took some forced reflection to maintain true grace and fellowship. Jack and I eventually found solace watching hockey with our great-aunt Terry, and talking everyone into lazing on the beach til we had developed delightful bronzes. We also had the satisfaction of really honoring our grandmother and making her happy. It was a time of not-always-easy learning, yet satisfaction.


Shortly after we returned from Florida, two Filipino boys came to stay at our house for two weeks. Although Ethan had graciously given up his (my old) bedroom for me temporarily when I came home from Korea, I had to give it up for the boys and relocate to the girls’ (my old-old) bedroom, where I slept in a tiny corner of a messy room, floor laden with wood shavings from the guinea pig cages and the nightly concert of their water bottle drumming and attempted escapes. It was ridiculous and restless, and I relocated yet again to: a friend’s back breaking sofa, a corner of the dining room floor, and finally the family room leather sofa, where I was awoken daily by my caffeinated early-bird mother. During this time I also helped my family, by shuffling back and forth to NIU, dropping off/picking up Sam and Wil. Although I always enjoy hosting students, it’s always the one drawback that we live so far from where there program takes place, and this year it was particularly taxing to make that hour round-trip drive twice a day.

But you know what? Hospitality and friendship are always worth it. Even if you don’t get immediate dividends (for example, my buzzkill example). Eventually, karma will come around.

One of the better aspects of being with the fam again was the perpetual bike-riding partners I had. These rides happened quite often, and I’ve become a Shawn’s (local coffee/sandwich shop) enthusiast. Last Tuesday, on my littlest sister Christiana’s 11th birthday, we biked to town and met mom at Shawn’s for blended spiced Chai drinks and bagel delights, then spent a few hours at the park with sidewalk chalk, Frisbee, and futbol. It was an excellent day of togetherness, despite the fact that the girls ride slow and nearly died of heatstroke a half dozen times! Tonight we're having a sleepover at the place I'm dog/housesitting. Who knew Wii's Wipe Out could be so ridiculously funny!

I’m filling most of my time visiting friends and catching up: developing relationships, catching up on old ones including this awesome chick and her wondeful bf, and helping to entertain LAURA HICKS, recovering from tonsil removal. I’m working part time at a local inn/restaurant/bar, meeting people and swapping stories as I make them bloody marys and salads. I’m also doing lots of research for a writing project I’m doing about Pitcairn Island. The islanders, descendents of the infamous Bounty ship mutineer Fletcher Christian, are very self-admitted hypocritical people. They like to put on a façade of hospitality for tourists and island guests, yet are in reality they can be quite vile. This is not at all the sort of person I want to be, and this self-improvement in the areas of hospitality and friendship are possibly half-consciously a result of this study.
Me and A Boy at Starved Rock State Park...I had forgotten that Illinois CAN be beautiful and historically interesting...despite the sunless day we went!